It will be different this time

on an evolving relationship with food, creativity, and social media. + some summer recipes!

It has come to my attention that I’ve been doing some form of food-on-the-internet for 6 YEARS. That’s a quarter of my life! That’s a 45-inch-tall Kindergartener!!! I scrolled to the bottom to find the post that started it all, spicy jackfruit rice bowls for Fathers’ Day 2019, just days after graduating high school. I read my caption and cringed at my declaration to share “wellness tips.” Ten posts later, there’s a video of me doing TRX plank moves that I won’t delete because I don’t believe in deleting harmless embarrassing things my younger self did, but it IS embarrassing. (There was a singing era in middle school that was far more embarrassing but one piece of lore at a time.)

upbeetanisha

A post shared by @upbeetanisha

I’m starting to write this mostly for myself, after posting on my story for the first time in what feels like months. At this time last year, I’d hosted 3 pop ups in New York and was on my way to a 4th and final one in SF. Then I moved to LA for school and knew things would change. I gave it time, expecting the itch to come back naturally, so when it didn’t, I justified that with A) Not wanting to fill my free time with work because sometimes this hobby IS work and B) I can’t wait to get away from these roommates and this kitchen that nobody cleans. Very valid reasons, I’d say.

We all grow out of hobbies and past versions of ourselves, but I miss it! Being intentional about food and what I wanted to say about it filled me with a sense of whimsy I haven’t found anywhere else. I miss writing down lists of what to make with the produce of the season. I miss going to bed thinking about what I’d have for breakfast the next day. And honestly I even miss making big messes and hating myself for it!!!

For most of the time that I’ve known how to cook, social media has heavily influenced my relationship with food and cooking. If the Bondi beach influencers were eating nice cream out of coconut bowls, I too was eating nice cream out of coconut bowls. I scavenged subtle toppings for my toast like sesame seeds or chunky salt or rosewater or pistachios only if I intended to post a photo later. Even when I didn’t feel like it, I went out of my way to try new recipes and experiment. Doing so felt productive, because maybe something would come out of it. Pressure to be productive is a double-edged sword, but in this case, it was probably the reason why my understanding of ingredients and cuisines improved.

I was scrolling on the blog recently and there is A LOT on there. 241 recipes to be exact, not including all the ones I posted on here or on Instagram. Sure, I’ll never make some of those things again and I never did figure out how to make the site more functional, but it’s still such a joy to look at. The enthusiasm in my younger self’s captions is adorable. She tried so hard to make people interested in her! Even though I can no longer watch some of my own videos or read my captions without cringing, it’s the effort that I look back at fondly. (Queuing “If She Could See Me Now” as I write.)

So when I say it will be different this time…

I feel like we are all returning to our younger selves lately? Like there’s just something in the air? For me, it means accepting that I’m actually the same as I was when I was 12, that age of figuring out what you like and reconciling that with what you think you should like. No amount of ongoing plot has changed core aspects of my personality. I didn’t think I was that awesome back then, but I recently realized that a lot of my best lore was developed at that age. (I’m so serious about that.)

I’ve unintentionally had like 10 different eras in the years of having Upbeet Anisha, each of which was marked by a fixation on making some kind of improvement or change from the last era. (Surprisingly, I never changed the username that was supposed to serve as a placeholder until I found my Real Name.) But this time, maybe the answer lies in going back to the beginning. Doing things for FUN! Trying things without expecting to get anything out of them. Keeping it casual and having no deadlines or goals but posting just for the fun of it.

be honest...should i go back to high saturation and ghost toast

---

Yesterday I thoroughly considered getting a tattoo of a chili pepper. It would be my first tattoo! It’s actually been several months of going back and forth, but yesterday I wrote down the reasons why I should go through with it.

The first reason on my list: as I mentioned, Upbeet Anisha is now 6. In the past year, I’ve downplayed the significance of having this space to anyone who asked about it because it didn’t feel like I was doing much with it, but there was a time when this was the most all-consuming thing in the world! There was a time when I read books about food photography and tested a recipe more than once and listened to the Food Blogger Pro podcast and invested in camera equipment and a ceramics collection! So I can’t forget that it was a very formative hobby at a time when I needed one, and its impact on my other interests, from writing to med school to hosting dinner parties, is undeniable. (Also I couldn’t possibly regret a little chili pepper and have been thinking about it too long and I guess it does also stand for my family and culture so why not just go for it?) Tldr: Next time you hear from me, I should have that chili pepper.

(mini) spice rack

cooking/eating

If you are coming from Instagram, here are the links to things I’ve been eating this summer as promised!

aloo tikki chaat: recipe, video

gobi manchurian: recipe, video

lemon almond cake: recipe

banana bread: recipe by Rainbow Plant Life

summer rolls: similar version here

palak tofu: similar here - recipe, video

green moong cheelas: recipe and video

tomato bell pepper chutney: recipe, video

jackfruit kofta: recipe, video

reading

So I’m either not reading at all or I’m reading a lot and right now seems to be my annual spurt.

• I Who Have Not Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman - I noticed a surge of people reading this recently so I was surprised to find out that it was actually written in 1995. My mom is on a reading kick and I’m making her read this next!

• Wild West Village by Lola Kirke - I literally just read this because I love Jessa from Girls aka Jemima Kirke aka Lola’s sister.

• Sunrise on the Reaping - Prequel to The Hunger Games from Haymitch’s perspective. This was SO GOOD and made me revisit the movies.

• Now on Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino.

listening

Lorde’s Virgin and Haim’s I Quit have been the defining albums of my summer so far, and this has been my playlist of choice lately:

watching

I also watched Materialists and I also have some thoughts on it. Won’t get into that but my favorite watches were probably Perfect Days, Sing Sing, and I’m Still Here. Catching up on my 2024 movies, as one does. I made my parents watch Challengers (told them it was about tennis) and Bong Joon Ho’s Memories of Murder (they were disappointed).

I’m going to New York next week so let me know if there are any fun things I should eat!